Determining the funniest quotes of all time is subjective, as humor varies widely based on individual tastes and cultural backgrounds. However, here’s a list of quotes from various comedians, writers, and personalities that have been widely regarded as humorous:

  1. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
  2. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott (Steve Carell), “The Office”
  3. “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
  4. “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
  5. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
  6. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.” – Unknown
  7. “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
  8. “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” – Unknown
  9. “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.” – Unknown
  10. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
  11. “I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.” – Robin Williams
  12. “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx
  13. “Some people say, ‘Never let them see you cry.’ I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.” – Tina Fey
  14. “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown
  15. “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” – Groucho Marx